thoughtful thursday.

in december, my friend jamie and i went to wine & design in raleigh.  i was so excited when i saw this tree on their calendar.  even though this date very clearly stated that it was "full," i called and told the girl on the phone that i had to paint that tree, that i had been wanting to paint it for a while.  and i may or may not have thrown in there that i was moving in a few days.  yep, that's how bad i wanted it.  i was playing the sympathy card.  thankfully, she let me finagle two more seats in. when she and i were almost finished, she commented that mine looked sort of like an olive tree.  we actually both had no idea at the time what an olive tree looked like, but i think the black circle-ovals on the limbs encouraged her to say that.

thoughtful thursday.

[get-thinspiration.tumblr.com]

i dislike running.  mostly because i am not good at it.  i used to run, but  s l o w l y  i tapered off.  school, work, life, etc.  i was fine walking with olive.  she sniffed around and kept a look out for the squirrels, i people-watched.  everyone was happy.  it wasn't until recently that i ran into a problem: almost all of my friends run.  i want to be like hang out/run with them.  i decided that once the deathly-hot summer passed, i would start up and get moving.

thoughtful thursday.

it's been a very long time since i have done a "thoughtful thursday" post.  mainly due to the fact that the past several thursdays i have been awake and out the door by 5:30 to get to clinical at the hospital!

thoughtful tuesday.

it's been a while!

my first semester is winding down,

and it's the first day of spring.

today i was reading my bible, and i found this:

"who can straighten what he has made crooked?

when times are good, be happy;

but when times are bad, consider:

God has made the one as well as the other.

Therefore, a man cannot discover

anything about his future."

- Ecclesiastes 7:13 - 14

God has made today.

He has blessed me with this amazing weather,

my time to study for finals,

my sweet friend, lauren,

who is the perfect study date,

and Krankie's,

a coffee shop perfect for studying 

[and who has outdoor seating!].

i think about that verse that i fell upon today,

and i think about the "why's" that i've asked God lately.

why is this happening? 

why am i having to learn this?

why do i feel alone in this new city?

why don't i have peace with disorganization around me?

and i feel like a 5-year-old when God answers me 

with this verse, as if saying, "because I said so."

and i straighten up my posture and thank Him.

and my why's now turn to,

why would i want the straight and narrow?

why should i expect to learn anything from an easy path?

why should i expect to grow without any zigs or zags?

 i don't need to know anything about my future.

i don't need to squint far off into the horizon.

i need to rest in Him.
and i need to look to Him.

and know that He has already been through today.

He knows what it looks like.

and my yesterdays turned out ok,

so why wouldn't my tomorrows?

i want to be thankful for more things.
and recognize the blessings and gifts he has given me,
and entrusted me with!
so i am going to challenge myself
[and you!]
to slow down and live fully 
right where you are.


read this book,
one thousand gifts,
by ann voskamp,
if you have time.
but if you don't, 
celebrate each day with three things you are thankful for,
and reap the blessings that God will bestow you with.

 . . . keep shining . . .

thoughtful thursday.

God sees you.

and He knows you.

and just like in poker, 

He wants to "up the ante."

He knows what you've got going on,

and He is going to use it for His glory 

on His timing.

one day you will get to a point where you can stop and look back.

but this time you will be able to look back with a different perspective.

you will be able to see what you've done,

and look at the messes you've made,

and see the pits that you've put yourself in.

then you will realize that even in those pits,

God never left you.

you will realize that He was actually the One that pulled you out of them,

before He set you back on solid ground.

and then you will realize that the messes and the pits 

molded you to who you needed to be for Him.

one day you will realize that 

He actually doesn't care how big of a mess you think you've made.

He's got people who can take your story and raise you one.

one of the things that makes scripture so amazing,

is that God uses regular people to do extraordinary things. 

He uses you to do His work for His glory.

Samson loved the ladies.

he pursued them like crazy.  

he went against what God had said was right.

when one special girl pursued him, he gave in.

he told her his secret & she spilled it to his enemies.

the Philistines cut off his hair, the source of his strength. 

then they gouged his eyes out. 

after imprisoning him and torturing him,

Samson asked God for just one more ounce of strength.

then he pushed the pillars of the temple down,

killing himself along with all the Philistines who captured and persecuted him.

he killed more enemies when he died than while he lived.

and he gave all the glory to God while doing so.

and then there was Rahab. 

she was a prostitute.

God didn't use her after she was a prostitute.

He used her while she was a prostitute.

she trusted God & allowed Him to help her assist the Israelite spies.

she hid the spies that were sent to do God's work.

and when they left her, 

they promised to spare her & her family.

she betrayed her city, and honored God.

and He rescued her from captivity.

so...your story.

your mess.

your disaster.

is His story.

and regardless of your messy, disastrous life,

He still loves you.

and He's making beauty from the ashes.

He writes this story.

He has the pen and paper.

we are the ink that moves it forward.

do you believe that He could use you?

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; 

I have drawn you with loving-kindness." 

- Jeremiah 31:3

meaningful monday.

i've realized several things since starting nursing school:

1. thoughtful thursdays are impossible to uphold

2. God puts the most amazing people in your life in the most unexpected places

3. life will never stop being hectic

4. quitting is not an option.  

because if Jesus had quit while he was hanging on that cross for us, 

we would all be in major trouble.

after being in school for 3 weeks, i have had 5 tests.

one was a midterm.

how is that possible, you ask?

well, easy.

i'm in an accelerated program.

that means a normal semester-long class

is condensed into 5 weeks.

i may or may not be a walking zombie.

and my body may or may not wake up after only 4 hours of sleep, 

pumped and ready to go.

after tests, and papers, and projects,

and trying to keep my sanity,

and attempting to juggle life,

i stop.

and i breathe.

and i thank Him.

He put me here.

He gave me this desire to want to be a nurse.

He carved the path that led me here.

He made things go wrong for this to be right.

He gives me strength when I fight to stay awake.

He gives me peace as I sit in front of a test.

most importantly:

He gives me the courage to keep fighting.

for the important relationships.

for the time in my day.

for the destination of being a nurse.

He is unbelievably amazing.

and yesterday at church, 

I learned about the song that Moses wrote

after God parted the Red Sea and washed away the Egyptians.

He destroyed the army that was responsible for 400 years of 

humiliation, enslavement, and murder of the Israelites.

Moses praised Him with gratitude.

for being the victor, for being a God of hope, 

and for being a God of love.

while it may seem small to others,

this is my Red Sea.

and this is all that i know to be big right now.

God is answering my prayers

by giving me hope, 

and showing me love, 

and being victorious.

and when an even bigger Red Sea comes along,

all He wants is for me to trust him.

and He will part that too.

"the LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him." - Exodus 15:2

thoughtful thursday.

i saw this card and immediately fell in love with it.

how true is this?

so i think about my savior.

i think about how in love with Him i am...

and i wonder if all things listed are true and apparent in my life.

my love for Him seizes my imagination.

my love for Him should affect everything.

we are most satisfied when He is most glorified.

am i doing my absolute best with this?

my love for Him helps get me out of bed in the morning...

some are harder than others to get up and move.

evenings...

i could probably do better.

how i spend my weekends...

what is the going out staying out all for, anyway?

nothing.

nothing good ever happens after 11pm. 

[unless it's NYE - you kiss.]

it's a fact.

next time you're out that late, you'll agree.

what i read...

lately i've been reading TrueFaced.

this book is amazing.

like can'tputitdown amazing.

my sweet friend, jamie, gave it to me.

who i know.

i think that His love makes me want to know more people.

it makes me want to shine light in the darkness.

what breaks my heart...

there's a song by hillsong united called "hosanna" that sings,

"open up my eyes to the things unseen

show me how to love like you have loved me

break my heart for what breaks yours..."

what breaks his heart?

those who are hurt, lost, abandoned, sick, scared, homeless, widowed, etc.

am i loving all of those people like He would?

am i taking full advantage of every opportunity to love them?

what amazes you...

He does amaze me.

and continues to do so.

and i know He's not finished!

so the last line should read this:

fall in love with Jesus , stay in love with Jesus, and it will decide everything.

thoughtful thursday.

let me tell you...i'm pretty scared.

for as long as i can remember,

i've wanted to be a nurse.

the courses i took in college prepared me for that path.

i had all the prerequisites under my belt.

i didn't get my nursing degree with my first bachelor's

because i wanted to explore the world.

i did a student exchange program in hawaii,

where i paid their in-state tuition for a semester.

it was incredible.

so i majored in biology,

and applied to one accelerated nursing program

that would start two weeks upon graduating.

i got in.

crazy.

but i only applied to that one out-of-state school

because it was in the same area as my boyfriend's job.

the boyfriend that i had a roller coaster-relationship with my senior year.
the boyfriend that when my best friend asked, "what are your intentions with my best friend?" (i know, awesome)
replied, "i'm just here for the summer to have a good time."
and i looked past it and still tried to make it work.

with a family accident, and me pushing to finish on time,

i didn't think i could take a two week break and start again.

the directors were awesome - they told me they could defer me for a year.

save my spot!

so i moved to virginia and started a job at a doctor's office.

a month later, my heart was torn in two.

he and i weren't going to go the distance.

i was in virginia, alone, and not following the only dreams i'd ever known.

i packed my bags up, and was back home a month later.

i landed a great job, which was "unheard of" upon just graduating.

one that "everyone would kill for".

i loved it for about 6 months.

there were peaks and valleys, 

but the relationships were what kept me going.

four years later, 

i applied to school again.

after coming back from Africa, i knew that i needed to make a move.

why was i wasting the desire that God gave me?

this january, i start nursing school!

in a city i've only spent the day in.

i put my house up for sale on zillow,

and the next day i had a knock on my door.

it was under contract three days later.

i had an interview with the hospital there,

and they selected me to have my tuition funded.

what!

while crying last week i said, "are you sure this is what you want me to do, God?"

i heard back, "of course I'm sure, look at how i've lined everything up for you."

He has made it so clear that this is where He wants me to be.

so i quit my job, i sold my house, 

and i'm leaving everything i've ever known

to be everything i've ever dreamed.

and it didn't start to get scary until now.

because it's finally getting close, and it's finally starting to feel real.

but the journey is worth the destination.

and i am going to follow my dreams.

psalm 37:4 says, "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

his promises are so true, and so great.

thoughtful thursday.

this reminds me of the nightmare i had a few days ago.

i woke up at midnight scared to death.

i was in a house and people showed up late at night and were trying to get in.

i didn't know who they were.

i didn't know what they wanted.

and they were going to each and every door,

 so i couldn't escape.

it was starting to remind me of Taken.

that movie was so good,

but my heart was racing the entire time!

after waking up, i was too afraid to go back to sleep.

i checked email, did some online shopping, 

anything to get my mind off of that crazy dream.

i knew if i fell back asleep right away,

the dream would continue, 

and i'd be trapped again.

then i thought, "so what?"

so what if that dream was real.

so what if i was taken.

so what if my time on earth was cut short.

in the end, i'd be sittin' pretty with my Savior.

and I'd be giving Him a huge hug.

and thanking him for saving me from that nightmare.

as children of God,

we do not belong to the dark.

we belong to everything that He touches with His light.

proverbs 3:24 says, 

"when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down,

your sleep will be sweet."

Satan was robbing me of my sleep because he knows 

i have enough trouble with it.

but regardless of the nightmares that i face while i'm asleep or awake,

i can rest in God's promise that i do not have to be afraid.

He is facing those scary dreams with me.

thoughtful friday.

oopsie!

THANKFUL thursday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

thoughtful thursday.

you know what's really cool about talking to God?

He gets you.

He knows exactly where you're at.

and He knows exactly where you're going to go.

the whole point of prayer is to cultivate your relationship with Him.

to learn to lean on Him.

and depend on Him.

whenever you are at your weakest,

and whenever you just need to praise Him.

i don't believe in coincidences.

because they just don't make sense.

and because i serve way too big of a God 

to believe that things just magically happen.

i think that a little fairy is a cute image,

and i understand why it's a popular Halloween costume,

but it isn't enough.

God is enough.

every day.

all the time.

to help you deal with whatever you've got going on.

so, it was no coincidence when i cried out for help today,

and opened my bible to exactly the page that He wanted me to read.

my study bible has some verses highlighted in pink, 

and this one was loud and clear:

"The spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power,

and you will prophesy with them;

and you will be changed into a different person." 

- 1 Samuel 10:6

i went to Him and asked Him to give me what I needed.

by taking that imaginary tear-off and presenting it to Him,

He gave me an answer.

His answer was perfect.

and His timing surpasses anything I could ever control or plan.

regardless of which road i take,

He will supply me with adequate power.

because He loves me enough to keep me standing tall,

and because He's just that great..

thoughtful thursday.

i ran into someone recently who i knew a long time ago.

someone who wasn't particularly kind to me.

but back then, i was not this particularly kind.

i was with a good friend of mine, 

and i froze up.

like a deer caught in headlights,

i turned to her and said,

"i haven't seen her in a very, very long time.

and the last time i did, i was a different person."

"it's ok," she smiled at me.

"God knows the person you are now.

and He doesn't care who you used to be.

all that He cares about is who you are now."

i looked back at her and thanked her.

peace consumed me with her words of truth.

and then i thanked Him for putting her in my life,

and all my wonderful accountability partners

who speak truth to me.

the ones who are there to help pick me up when i slip.

Romans 5:8 says,

"but God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners,

Christ died for us."

what this means:

he loved you at your darkest. 

what a blessing.

what a gift.

and what 

grace.

that is what true love looks like.