thoughtful thursday.

in december, my friend jamie and i went to wine & design in raleigh.  i was so excited when i saw this tree on their calendar.  even though this date very clearly stated that it was "full," i called and told the girl on the phone that i had to paint that tree, that i had been wanting to paint it for a while.  and i may or may not have thrown in there that i was moving in a few days.  yep, that's how bad i wanted it.  i was playing the sympathy card.  thankfully, she let me finagle two more seats in. when she and i were almost finished, she commented that mine looked sort of like an olive tree.  we actually both had no idea at the time what an olive tree looked like, but i think the black circle-ovals on the limbs encouraged her to say that.

misunderstood.

"necesita un intérprete?" i asked the woman coming toward me. she gave me a puzzled look, and with broken english, she told me that she didn't understand that much english.

right, i thought, which is precisely why...my thoughts trailed off as a lady i was working with overheard our conversation and quickly ushered the spanish interpreter in our direction. we sat down, and i looked at her chart, listening attentively as she did her best to articulate her words.  the interpreter smiled at me as she sat quietly beside the sweet lady.  after finishing her health history and admission requirements, i thanked her and asked her to go back to the waiting room.

there, in plain sight, i read: Ethnicity: Asian. awesome.

in my defense, her last name rhymed with corazón (heart in spanish), and she looked to be more of Pacific Islander descent. anyone else would be understandably confused.  i pointed to the chart, smiling at the interpreter.  "whoops," i said.  "i know," she smiled,"i noticed that right after sitting down." 

this made me think of my interactions with others.  i get so excited to share my faith with nonbelievers, only to sometimes feel somewhat defeated. why?  because i am not speaking their language. i tell them why Jesus is so amazing, and i'm sure it sounds pretty, but sometimes someone just isn't ready to receive it.  i'm sure that sweet lady in the clinic wanted to understand everything i was saying.  but she was only capable of picking up on a few words because she wasn't equipped with the adequate resources to  fully comprehend.  i didn't have the right interpreter present.

Isaiah 55:11 says, "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." 

do i stop?  no. i have so much hope for the unreached people.  i remember listening when i was younger, but i wasn't able to grasp the magnitude of the message.  eventually, it will click.  God always wins!

you are enough.

do you ever feel like you don't measure up?

that: you aren't smart enough. you aren't thin enough. you aren't rich enough. you aren't beautiful enough. you aren't creative enough. you aren't happy enough.

me?  yes to all.  

newsflash: someone will always be smarter, thinner, richer, more beautiful, more creative, and happier than you.  but they will never be you. 

i can sometimes spend so much time focusing on the awful lies that Satan plants into my mind, that i tend to forget what i am good at, and what i do have to be thankful for.

in Ephesians 3:16 - 19, Paul wrote, 

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (NIV 1984)

you will never be perfect, but Jesus thinks you are to die for!  when he died on the cross for you, he said, "it is finished." not I am finished, but it: the cleansing of YOUR sins. the next time you think you don't measure up, remember that Jesus picked up that extra slack for you!  you are loved, redeemed, renewed.  you are chosen, blameless, and holy.  God knows every single inch of you, and He still longs for your affection.  He has plans for your future that include hope, not harm (Jeremiah 29:11).

i pray that you are able to grasp just how wide and vast and deep His love is for you.

great is thy faithfulness.

a year ago, i was applying to several different nursing schools, while praying earnestly that my dreams would be fulfilled.

as i sit here today, i am taking a break from studying for my second peds test.

at the end of the month, i will be halfway through my accelerated BSN program.

just one year, and so much change has occurred.

it is unbelievable how faithful He is.

and it's beyond imaginable what God's plans are for my life.

to say that this has been difficult is an understatement, but i also know that this is just a season.

and i know that this journey is  

worth the destination,

and that He is > than any obstacle i face

(yep, bringin' back the old-school math equation!)

i am sitting in my parents living room studying and listening to the familiar sounds that i abandoned to follow my dreams.

while every single bit of this journey has been worth it, i have a love-hate relationship with coming home.

since arriving last night at 7 for my sistercat's baby shower, i've already cried twice.

"why are you crying?" she asked me

"because i just hate coming home...i hate being reminded of this normalcy that i left...where my family, my life, my friends, my church, my small group girls, my comfort are," i said.

i love being here, but i hate leaving.

but i am so, so thankful for these moments that i need to cherish.

she said some über sweet sisterly words that weren't too earth shattering, but they were well-needed for my soul.

after about 8 crocodile tears rolled down my face, i stopped and smiled.

i think the overwhelming days of feeling inadequate in school, plus feeling in over my head in schoolwork, plus seeing this adorableness in person:

too cute for words

just made me lose it with the emotions!

however, those are all feelings.

feelings are constantly changing.

our circumstances are constantly spinning around us, leaving us feeling like wreckage from a tornado afterward.

but God's promise, and His amazing mercies, grace, and rock-solid foundation

are helpful in remembering that i am inadequate without Him.

i would be a disheveled mess during the storms of life if i didn't plant myself on His rock.

it's because of His faithfulness that i am standing strong, and that i have the ability to make it through this rigorous 13-month program.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 is just one glimpse of this:

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 

may you allow him to be > than your circumstances today!

how [un]sweet it is.

have you ever forced yourself to like something? 

i have.

it's called a grapefruit.

i grew up thinking they were the nastiest things.

they're so bitter, so tart, so un-orange-like.

i remember accidentally pouring myself a heaping glass of 

"orange juice," only to find out that it was 

grapefruit juice.

ick!

not a good surprise.

but lately, i've been really trying to like it.

reason being?

it has a ton of health benefits.

1 grapefruit has:

73% of your daily vitamin C 

[helps in healing & strengthens your immune system]

23 % of your daily vitamin A 

[necessary for vision]

lycopene 

[fights free-radicals - hello, anti-tumor activity!]

liminoids

[more anti-tumor activity!]

lowers cholesterol

prevents kidney stones

protects against colon cancer

---

it's amazing how something so bitter

can be so good for you.

before i bought one to give it another spin, 

i considered looking up recipes to make it taste better.

i decided against that, but i do believe that eating one like this wouldn't hurt:

i can't imagine having any hesitation in eating this each morning.

unlike forcing myself to like grapefruits,

God never has to force himself to like me.

He just does.

He doesn't imagine what he can add to me to make me better,

and He doesn't think i'm bitterly-awful.

Genesis 1:27 says, "God created man in his own image..."

and Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

God drew man in his image.

perfectly created.

but because of temptation and sinful desires,

we screwed everything up!

that slithery-snake, Satan, encouraged Eve to doubt God's goodness,

and to take a bite.

it was her lack of willpower,

and her husband, Adam, and his decision to keep mum & not stop her,

that led to our downfall.

yes, they were a team.  no more pointing fingers at Eve!

i look to Him in amazement and wonder each day:

how could someone love us so much?

how could He see us in all our filth and still want to spend time with us?

we who have all of the fears,

all of the complaining, arguing, boasting, resentfulness;

all of the attitudes that would make us turn our noses up.

how?

because His son died for every single one of our sins, that's how.

He just does.

before taking his last breath,

Jesus said, "it is finished."

not "I am finished,"

IT.

the cleansing of our sins.

the forgiveness we don't deserve.

the grace that we need to get into heaven.

God looked at him and saw every awful thing we've done or will do,

and wiped it clean.

so when we choose to love Jesus,

and choose to accept his love,

God declares us innocent,

justifying us, by grace through faith in Christ.

Romans 3:23 - 25 says, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith." 

so i look at my grapefruit with a new perspective.

i see it in its purest form:

God created that fruit for me.

He made it for my well-being and health.

and i will attempt to look at it similar to how he sees me: 

perfect, and beneficial to multiplying his kingdom.

how amazing, and what grace.

i choose jesus.

love is a choice.

"My command is this:

Love each other as I have loved you.  

Greater love has no love than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 

You are my friends if you do what I command.  

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.  

Instead, I call you friends, 

for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 

You did not choose me,

but I chose you

and appointed you to go bear fruit -- fruit that will last. 

Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  

This is my command: 

Love each other." 

- John 15:12-17

FACTS:

we are called to love just as he loved us.

what his love looks like:

he laid down his life for us.

what he calls us:

his friends


friend (frend) - n
a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; 
an intimate

friendship (frend-ship) - n

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends

2. a friendly relation or intimacy

what it all means:

love like him.

love our friends like he loves us.

lay down our lives for our friends

he is our friend.
what do you do with your friends?
do you spend time with them?
do you talk to them?
do you ask them for advice? 
do you laugh with them?
perfect! 
Jesus is exactly what you've been looking for!


we are to spend time with him like the friend he is.
with liking, affection, and loyalty.


this gives devotion a new meaning to me.
my morning devotions are literally that. 
i am devoting my time to uncover more about my friend.
i want to devote myself wholly to him,
 giving him the attention he deserves.
just like any friend i have on earth.
daily
hourly
thinking of him F I R S T before acting.
are my actions going to be detrimental to our friendship?

we are to lay down our lives for him.
because he did it for us,
and because
that's what's friends do when they love you!


putting it all together:

put aside selfish desire and want.

and serve him out of love.

serve him by sitting by someone you don’t want to.

someone that you know doesn’t know him.

serve him by reaching out to someone in need.

serve him by shining,

even when a lost person tries to put your light out.

they want that light.

and eventually their darkness will crack.

love is a choice. 

he chose us. 

and we must choose to love others. 

love must be learned again and again; there is NO end to it!

just like His love for us. 

unending and everlasting.

be blessed & keep shining!

this is my story.

i hear these people askin' me

how do i know what i believe?

well i'm not the same

and that's all the proof i need.

i felt love and i felt grace.

you stole my heart that day.

thoughtful thursday.

God sees you.

and He knows you.

and just like in poker, 

He wants to "up the ante."

He knows what you've got going on,

and He is going to use it for His glory 

on His timing.

one day you will get to a point where you can stop and look back.

but this time you will be able to look back with a different perspective.

you will be able to see what you've done,

and look at the messes you've made,

and see the pits that you've put yourself in.

then you will realize that even in those pits,

God never left you.

you will realize that He was actually the One that pulled you out of them,

before He set you back on solid ground.

and then you will realize that the messes and the pits 

molded you to who you needed to be for Him.

one day you will realize that 

He actually doesn't care how big of a mess you think you've made.

He's got people who can take your story and raise you one.

one of the things that makes scripture so amazing,

is that God uses regular people to do extraordinary things. 

He uses you to do His work for His glory.

Samson loved the ladies.

he pursued them like crazy.  

he went against what God had said was right.

when one special girl pursued him, he gave in.

he told her his secret & she spilled it to his enemies.

the Philistines cut off his hair, the source of his strength. 

then they gouged his eyes out. 

after imprisoning him and torturing him,

Samson asked God for just one more ounce of strength.

then he pushed the pillars of the temple down,

killing himself along with all the Philistines who captured and persecuted him.

he killed more enemies when he died than while he lived.

and he gave all the glory to God while doing so.

and then there was Rahab. 

she was a prostitute.

God didn't use her after she was a prostitute.

He used her while she was a prostitute.

she trusted God & allowed Him to help her assist the Israelite spies.

she hid the spies that were sent to do God's work.

and when they left her, 

they promised to spare her & her family.

she betrayed her city, and honored God.

and He rescued her from captivity.

so...your story.

your mess.

your disaster.

is His story.

and regardless of your messy, disastrous life,

He still loves you.

and He's making beauty from the ashes.

He writes this story.

He has the pen and paper.

we are the ink that moves it forward.

do you believe that He could use you?

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; 

I have drawn you with loving-kindness." 

- Jeremiah 31:3

meaningful monday.

i've realized several things since starting nursing school:

1. thoughtful thursdays are impossible to uphold

2. God puts the most amazing people in your life in the most unexpected places

3. life will never stop being hectic

4. quitting is not an option.  

because if Jesus had quit while he was hanging on that cross for us, 

we would all be in major trouble.

after being in school for 3 weeks, i have had 5 tests.

one was a midterm.

how is that possible, you ask?

well, easy.

i'm in an accelerated program.

that means a normal semester-long class

is condensed into 5 weeks.

i may or may not be a walking zombie.

and my body may or may not wake up after only 4 hours of sleep, 

pumped and ready to go.

after tests, and papers, and projects,

and trying to keep my sanity,

and attempting to juggle life,

i stop.

and i breathe.

and i thank Him.

He put me here.

He gave me this desire to want to be a nurse.

He carved the path that led me here.

He made things go wrong for this to be right.

He gives me strength when I fight to stay awake.

He gives me peace as I sit in front of a test.

most importantly:

He gives me the courage to keep fighting.

for the important relationships.

for the time in my day.

for the destination of being a nurse.

He is unbelievably amazing.

and yesterday at church, 

I learned about the song that Moses wrote

after God parted the Red Sea and washed away the Egyptians.

He destroyed the army that was responsible for 400 years of 

humiliation, enslavement, and murder of the Israelites.

Moses praised Him with gratitude.

for being the victor, for being a God of hope, 

and for being a God of love.

while it may seem small to others,

this is my Red Sea.

and this is all that i know to be big right now.

God is answering my prayers

by giving me hope, 

and showing me love, 

and being victorious.

and when an even bigger Red Sea comes along,

all He wants is for me to trust him.

and He will part that too.

"the LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him." - Exodus 15:2