thoughtful thursday.

in december, my friend jamie and i went to wine & design in raleigh.  i was so excited when i saw this tree on their calendar.  even though this date very clearly stated that it was "full," i called and told the girl on the phone that i had to paint that tree, that i had been wanting to paint it for a while.  and i may or may not have thrown in there that i was moving in a few days.  yep, that's how bad i wanted it.  i was playing the sympathy card.  thankfully, she let me finagle two more seats in. when she and i were almost finished, she commented that mine looked sort of like an olive tree.  we actually both had no idea at the time what an olive tree looked like, but i think the black circle-ovals on the limbs encouraged her to say that.

i just found this song this morning and ohmygosh it's amazing.  i haven't heard of jesus culture before today, but they are incredible.  i hope you enjoy it as much as i did!

why i wouldn't be a good mental health nurse.

i'm too trusting.  i will believe just about anything that i am told. 

i listened to multiple different stories yesterday during clinical and i became empathetic, then in shock, then i wanted to laugh, and then i was concerned.  when i approached my instructor about it, she laughed and told me that they were testing me.  

you are enough.

do you ever feel like you don't measure up?

that: you aren't smart enough. you aren't thin enough. you aren't rich enough. you aren't beautiful enough. you aren't creative enough. you aren't happy enough.

me?  yes to all.  

newsflash: someone will always be smarter, thinner, richer, more beautiful, more creative, and happier than you.  but they will never be you. 

i can sometimes spend so much time focusing on the awful lies that Satan plants into my mind, that i tend to forget what i am good at, and what i do have to be thankful for.

in Ephesians 3:16 - 19, Paul wrote, 

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (NIV 1984)

you will never be perfect, but Jesus thinks you are to die for!  when he died on the cross for you, he said, "it is finished." not I am finished, but it: the cleansing of YOUR sins. the next time you think you don't measure up, remember that Jesus picked up that extra slack for you!  you are loved, redeemed, renewed.  you are chosen, blameless, and holy.  God knows every single inch of you, and He still longs for your affection.  He has plans for your future that include hope, not harm (Jeremiah 29:11).

i pray that you are able to grasp just how wide and vast and deep His love is for you.

half.com

for starters, this is not a review for half.com. if you popped in for that, i'm very, very sorry and i hope you forgive me for my semi-false advertisement.  to make you feel better, i have had great success with selling my books! you should do it too!

ok...on to the real reason.

a month ago, i put a handful of my unused nursing books up on half.com to get rid of some clutter. this weekend, i received an email letting me know that one had sold.

hooray! so i threw the book (not really. it's still in perfect condition per description!) in the car yesterday and had every single intention of stopping by the post office on my way home from clinical yesterday afternoon. when i walked up the steps to my house, exhausted, i stopped halfway up the stairs and remembered that book.

darn it!  i pivoted and looked at my car, then pivoted one more time and looked at my door. door to the house won! i had until tuesday [today!] to ship it.

i stopped by the post office after leaving school today, and was greeted by a friendly man with an australian accent. he saw me put the book into the padded envelope and asked if i had success with the experience. "sure!  i have more money now than when i woke up this morning!" he told me that my optimism was infectious, and that he wished he had it. "you can," i said.  "just take it!" he told me that he could never be like that and that he had already made up his opinions. "everyone is a work in progress," i smiled back at him.

"listen to you..." he said, "what is that that you have?"

"it's jesus," i smiled.

"i thought that might be what it was..." he trailed off.

"T, i am going to pray for you," i told him.

"you will!?" he lit up.

pause. this smile that was on my face was literally stretched from ear-to-ear. it was taking every ounce in my body not to leap for joy at the divine intervention that was occurring.

"of course!" i told him. he went on to tell me that he doesn't think anyone but his "mum" has ever said that to him...and he thought she had said it because she was worried about him. i thanked him, and smiled some more as he made more comments about how i was just standing there and "jesus-ing" him". hmm...he can say whatever he needs to understand it, i suppose! he told me he just wasn't sure, that he had so much that had happened to him. "everyone has stories!  trust me, i've got plenty," i reassured him."i guess you're right," he commented.

i smiled even bigger at the amazingness that was unfolding in front of me. he and i both probably had no idea that one could smile so big. i waved goodbye and thanked him, and scooted on my way, thanking God for redirecting my paths today from my exhaustion yesterday.

The Lord is so purposeful with His work. every rejection is a redirection.  every crooked path is to divert you to something better. and you just never know who He is going to place in your life each day.

that postman said he had never had anyone (other than mom) tell him they would pray for him. he had to have been at least 50. in fifty years, just one person. but he needed to be here, in my city, and at work today! so that i could tell him that even he was a work in progress.

NOTHING is pointless with God. every single moment, time, and meeting has a purpose! He is working for our good and His glory.  we just don't know what that looks like when it's right in front of us...only when we are able to take a step back and see why everything had to fall in place the way it did are we able to get even a glimpse of His plans! even still, we must learn to trust in His plans for our lives and allow Him to write our stories, and be intentional with the time He has given us on earth!

Proverbs 19:20 - 21 says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.  Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

thank you, half.com!

how [un]sweet it is.

have you ever forced yourself to like something? 

i have.

it's called a grapefruit.

i grew up thinking they were the nastiest things.

they're so bitter, so tart, so un-orange-like.

i remember accidentally pouring myself a heaping glass of 

"orange juice," only to find out that it was 

grapefruit juice.

ick!

not a good surprise.

but lately, i've been really trying to like it.

reason being?

it has a ton of health benefits.

1 grapefruit has:

73% of your daily vitamin C 

[helps in healing & strengthens your immune system]

23 % of your daily vitamin A 

[necessary for vision]

lycopene 

[fights free-radicals - hello, anti-tumor activity!]

liminoids

[more anti-tumor activity!]

lowers cholesterol

prevents kidney stones

protects against colon cancer

---

it's amazing how something so bitter

can be so good for you.

before i bought one to give it another spin, 

i considered looking up recipes to make it taste better.

i decided against that, but i do believe that eating one like this wouldn't hurt:

i can't imagine having any hesitation in eating this each morning.

unlike forcing myself to like grapefruits,

God never has to force himself to like me.

He just does.

He doesn't imagine what he can add to me to make me better,

and He doesn't think i'm bitterly-awful.

Genesis 1:27 says, "God created man in his own image..."

and Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

God drew man in his image.

perfectly created.

but because of temptation and sinful desires,

we screwed everything up!

that slithery-snake, Satan, encouraged Eve to doubt God's goodness,

and to take a bite.

it was her lack of willpower,

and her husband, Adam, and his decision to keep mum & not stop her,

that led to our downfall.

yes, they were a team.  no more pointing fingers at Eve!

i look to Him in amazement and wonder each day:

how could someone love us so much?

how could He see us in all our filth and still want to spend time with us?

we who have all of the fears,

all of the complaining, arguing, boasting, resentfulness;

all of the attitudes that would make us turn our noses up.

how?

because His son died for every single one of our sins, that's how.

He just does.

before taking his last breath,

Jesus said, "it is finished."

not "I am finished,"

IT.

the cleansing of our sins.

the forgiveness we don't deserve.

the grace that we need to get into heaven.

God looked at him and saw every awful thing we've done or will do,

and wiped it clean.

so when we choose to love Jesus,

and choose to accept his love,

God declares us innocent,

justifying us, by grace through faith in Christ.

Romans 3:23 - 25 says, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith." 

so i look at my grapefruit with a new perspective.

i see it in its purest form:

God created that fruit for me.

He made it for my well-being and health.

and i will attempt to look at it similar to how he sees me: 

perfect, and beneficial to multiplying his kingdom.

how amazing, and what grace.

how rudeee.

whyyy must target send me an email to let me know that they have

an orange kitchenaid mixer on sale,

when it doesn't exactly fit in my nursing school budget?

yes, my white one is fine.

but it's fine. not orange. 

i think stephanie tanner said it best, "how rude!"

i miss good tv & pretending to live in the tanner household.

fact: when i was little, i asked my mom if i could change my name to stephanie.

fact: i changed my middle name to "jackson" on my graduation announcements.  

why? because my parents had boy names picked out when i was in utero.

and they were cool, strong names: 

william kyle & kyle jackson, 

after my mom's dad, who had since passed.

but then i popped out, and they were unprepared. whoops!

since they gave me a family middle name that sort of rhymes with "walrus,"

and that spawned lots of lovely nick names,

i decided to take matters into my own hands and change those silly announcements.

i told her i was going to march right down to the social security office

to take care of business.

long story short,

i never changed my name.

mom decided to go to kinko's and print off little cards with my real name,

making sure that i knew what a pain in the butt i was along the way.

thankfully, she learned patience and how to love me in another way.

hooray!

i don't know where i'd be without that woman.

she prayed and prayed and prayed for me and my stubbornness and 

lack of obedience, and risk-taking abilities.

and tada - God answered!

i was pretty great at being bold and pushing the limits.

and now God is using all of that boldness for His glory.

how amazing, and how perfect are His plans.

without that beautiful, sweet mom of mine showing me  

love and discipline,   

just like God does for us,

I wouldn't be here today.

job 5:17 - 18 says, "Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.  For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."

thank goodness for that!

His blessings for us are plain to Him!

He doesn't know pain, He just knows what we need.

we are the ones that hurt or receive joy from the gifts He gives us.

but whatever that gift looks like, it is only for our good, and His glory.

He wants us to reach out to Him in need and use that gift to grow closer to Him!

not allowing our circumstances to define us.

just like job.  what a life that guy had!

thankful today, and everyday, for one of the greatest gifts and blessings in my life:

mom, i love you!  your joy for this world and your huge heart have 

shown me what true love looks like. 

if i become half the woman that you are,

that would mean a whole lot.

Happy mother’s day!

i choose jesus.

love is a choice.

"My command is this:

Love each other as I have loved you.  

Greater love has no love than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 

You are my friends if you do what I command.  

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.  

Instead, I call you friends, 

for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 

You did not choose me,

but I chose you

and appointed you to go bear fruit -- fruit that will last. 

Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  

This is my command: 

Love each other." 

- John 15:12-17

FACTS:

we are called to love just as he loved us.

what his love looks like:

he laid down his life for us.

what he calls us:

his friends


friend (frend) - n
a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; 
an intimate

friendship (frend-ship) - n

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends

2. a friendly relation or intimacy

what it all means:

love like him.

love our friends like he loves us.

lay down our lives for our friends

he is our friend.
what do you do with your friends?
do you spend time with them?
do you talk to them?
do you ask them for advice? 
do you laugh with them?
perfect! 
Jesus is exactly what you've been looking for!


we are to spend time with him like the friend he is.
with liking, affection, and loyalty.


this gives devotion a new meaning to me.
my morning devotions are literally that. 
i am devoting my time to uncover more about my friend.
i want to devote myself wholly to him,
 giving him the attention he deserves.
just like any friend i have on earth.
daily
hourly
thinking of him F I R S T before acting.
are my actions going to be detrimental to our friendship?

we are to lay down our lives for him.
because he did it for us,
and because
that's what's friends do when they love you!


putting it all together:

put aside selfish desire and want.

and serve him out of love.

serve him by sitting by someone you don’t want to.

someone that you know doesn’t know him.

serve him by reaching out to someone in need.

serve him by shining,

even when a lost person tries to put your light out.

they want that light.

and eventually their darkness will crack.

love is a choice. 

he chose us. 

and we must choose to love others. 

love must be learned again and again; there is NO end to it!

just like His love for us. 

unending and everlasting.

be blessed & keep shining!

update.

what i'm doing:

i just finished my first round of clinical!

hooray!

i was blessed with a great instructor,

great nurses who loved to teach me,

great patients who allowed me to learn,

and a great group to learn with!

back to school tomorrow to learn more,

and to help me to continue to grow to be a great nurse.

what i'm eating:

yep, it's green.

and it's called a green monster.

this isn't my first rodeo, 

i blogged about it here.

it's probably full of nickel.

and i probably don't care.

at all. because it's good.

and it's good for me.

and because God said in Genesis 1:29,

"I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it.  They will be yours for food."

so, thank you very much, God, I will eat it.

and I will rejoice in doing so.

what it's made of:

spinach

frozen bananas

frozen pineapple

strawberries

1 T chia seeds

1 T almond butter

1 t maca powder

1/4 c coconut yogurt

12 oz water

what it tastes like:

amazingness

fact: that's an actual word.

i thought i made it up,

but it seems that someone else out there is just as clever as i.

see here.

what i'm learning:

final product:

i have attempted this twice.

twice at 5:30am before going to the hospital.

before finding a video and attempting to just braid then bun.

but as it turns out, there's an art to it.

and it takes time.  not 5 minutes.

will repost later when i master it.

what i'm living:

striving daily to have an attitude worth catching.

loving like jesus.

he died for me,

being bold for him is the least i can do!

"submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil & he will FLEE 

from you." - james 4:7

keep shining!

birthday brain.

i have a test today that includes the CNS system.

and today is also the birthday of one of my newest bffs.

  

happy birthday, lauren!

i've only known you for 10 weeks and

i already can't live without you!